bored and slightly crazy
by soon-2-be-cullen
Summary: well, dosen't the name say it all? just a weird little thing i write while suffering from bordem well, read it them!


**Okay, so this is set after breaking dawn, but breaking dawn was fall of lies! Lies I tell you, lies! Anyway Bella and Edward didn't have a child, so Jacob hasn't imprinted and vampires can't have kids! Therefore there are no half vampires cause that would be weird……**

**-Worships Stephanie Meyer statue, and sings random praises while holding an apple between my teeth for some unknown reason- I do not own anything, I just make the characters do weird things, unless I do own them which means the character is sort of crappy and doesn't appear in the Twilight saga….**

**Apov**

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.

"Alice! Shut up!" Edward growled

"Nope!" I thought "stop reading my mind! Stop it! Now! I mean it!" I thought and

continued thinking 'bored'

"Please! I beg you!" Edward begged

"Noooooo!" I laughed seeing Edward face

"Right, I'll go see a certain Porsche, maybe I'll give it a new paint job" he threatened raising his plucked (yes, Edward does plucks his eye brows)

" touch it and I'll kill you" I growled

"Shut it and go on the computer" Edward sighed

"I haven't spoken to jazzy wazzy for ages-" I began (jazz was in Mexico with Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie on our privite land)

"Yeah, ten minutes ago" he snorted

I grumbled something that shouldn't be mentioned in case of minors, and skipped over to the computer (the reason I'm skipping is Emmett dared me too until they get back, and I dared him to wear Rosalie's pink thong collection for the same amount of time…). Pressing the button I waited out the time till it loaded by drawing Edward in ladies clothing, I herd him curse me under his breath and giggled. When the computer had FINALLY loaded, I pulled up my messenger.

**Online:**

**Fulloffeelingjazz-jasper**

**Rosestunner-rosalie**

**Grizzlylover-emmett**

**offline (not shown)**

i click on every one of them and wait for someone to greet me, you see i can't be doing everything, i clicked on em so they have to say hello first...edwards right, i do need a shrink...no one said hi...still nothing...if someone dosen't say hi soon i will poison every animal within a 50 mile radius so that when they feed they will all die...thinks back to what i have just thought and dicides to think mwa ha ha...so impatient...jasper! why tormet me so? why not say hi?...lots of dots...flowers...yay theres a beep someone saying something...yay!...i should reply...okay, ill do it now

**jasper says: hiya hun**

**alice says: can't you greet me faster?**

**jasper says: erm, yes?**

**alice says: i've been waiting thirty three seconds**

**jasper says: sorry?**

**rosalie says: hiya alice...jasper**

**jasper says: oh rosie, get off the computer, you might make the screen crack! lol at you**

**alice says: ohh! look! theres an online sale!**

**rosalie says: jasper, emmett picked up some extra small snug condoms, there to small for him, so you want them? lolx2 at you! suck on that**

**jasper says: rosie posie vampires don't need comdoms, so the 'lol's on you**

**rosalie says: just because you'd never get a chance to use them...don't worry, not everyone can be active in that way, the 'lol' belong to you brother**

**alice says: guess what i just bought!**

**jasper says: don't know hun, what?**

**alice says: shrink sessions for us all**

**readingyourpervythoughts-edward has just sighned in**

**edward says: i hate you alice**

**jasper says: alice, why would you do that?**

**rosalie says: yeah jasper already has three weekly sessions, lmao, beat that small thang**

**jasper says: emmett keeps coming in here and asking me to satisfy him, rose work on that. lmao**

**shieldlovesfurandfangs-bella has just sighned in**

**bella says: hello all**

**edward says: should't you be in dentention not the kitchen?**

**bella says: yes, but used my persuasion skills ;)**

**edward says: you dazzled him lol**

**bella says: yeah, lol, hows mexico?**

**jasper says: cool**

**rosalie says: jasper, your vocabulary range is very small, much like another part of your body**

**emmett says: ohhhhhhh, go rosie**

**jasper says: emmett!**

**emmett says: you said i wanted you to satisfy me!**

**jasper says: sorry :(**

**bella says: whats up with rosalie and jasper?**

**rosalie says: jasper dropped all my clothes in the pool!**

**jaspers says: not on perpouse**

**rosalie says: yeah...**

**alice says: guess what bella!**

**bella says: dunno and should i be scared? lolllllllllll**

**alice says: no silly, we all have shrink sessions!**

**bella says: just a second people...**

**edward says: lol, alice is screaming**

**jasper says: what?! is she okay? is it bella?**

**edward says: you know what, dunno, and yep**

**bella says: hi**

**jasper says: bella!**

**bella says: yes?**

**jasper says: -growl-**

**edward says: growl again and die**

**rosalie says: jasper growl again**

**jasper says: rosalie, we are NOT in pre school, don't be mean cause you like me a LOT, lol for you**

**alice says: ow...bye everyone**

**jasper says: yeah, love you hun, bye**

bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored-

"shut up alice!" edward shouted, and i raced down stairs to shout back

"nope" i said smiling widly, and bella smiled too

" i still hate you alice" she muttered turning back to the tv

**Review or die!**

**if you do not review this i will send several evil purple sparkly killer pixies after you, thease several evil purple sparkly killer pixies will braid all the hair on your head, dispite the lengh, and then tie the braids to a pole which also holds a bomb, seeing as said braids are super strong, you will not escape. You will be serverly burned, causing your skin to feel burned, which mean no vampires will ever bite you! mwa ha ha! And i will follow you everywhere (im a vampire obviously) when you turn 85, and laugh at you untill you die! mwa ha ha!**

**you have been warned...review!...no threats plz, my stalker won't stop sending them**

**from a crazy nutty vampire**


End file.
